It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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