I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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