What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
