matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
