Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
