we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
