you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
