I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
