and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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