mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
