You're so nebulous sometimes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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