If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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