when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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