The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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