I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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