Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
