Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
