So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
