Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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