I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
