I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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