oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
