Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
is that a dick in a sweater?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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