True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
third nipple confirmed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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