Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
