Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
