There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
