He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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