i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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