1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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