When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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