i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
