a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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