saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize