so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
