Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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