I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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