That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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