all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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