The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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