and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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