My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
