i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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