I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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