Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
