Whod you bang
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
