Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
