I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
