Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize