When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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