yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
