She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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