i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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