hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am available for nakedness
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
