I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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