omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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