He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
