dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
