Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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