Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
