if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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