i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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