remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
