you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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