she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
