What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
