I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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