I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
