That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
