i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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