I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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