I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A+ Viking dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
